Growing up as a Christian, I was always told either “wait for the one God has made specifically for you” or “Jesus needs to be your lover first.”
I can’t say I’ve had Jesus as my primary lover throughout the course of my life. Regardless of my flaws, He has always loved me yet I still feel lonely a lot of times. I crave the love of a physical companion. I won’t blame it on any thing else except the mere fact that I am human and created to love.
My love month blues have nothing to do with God’s love for me because that love never fails. It does have to do with my lack of patience and getting into relationships that for some reason always seem to fall a part and never fails to hit me in the month of February repeatedly. Personally, it’s more a month of heartaches than any thing else.
This year, I decided to not let myself wallow in my sorrows and do something different. I bought half a dozen roses and chocolates for my mom, sent cupcakes to the guy I’ve been crushing on and gave roses with chocolates to the people who have been great encouragements in my life. To tell you the truth, it felt so much better to give on Valentine’s Day than to receive. I thoroughly enjoyed the huge smiles and the phone calls of gratitude I got. The opportunity to make someone smile and feel special really turned everything around for me.
I realized love isn’t about what you get. It’s about what you give. ❤
Last post was in November of last year and I can’t believe how hard it is to stay faithful to this thing. I thought I would be able to, but unfortunately time and responsibilities have not been very good advocates. December was an interesting month to say the least. My biggest issue with December was how time so easily escaped me constantly. It’s not that I didn’t have enough of it. Many times it’s because I got consumed with things that should be irrelevant to me. Whenever I got a break from my priorities, I would give into the lure of pleasure as much and as often as I could instead of focusing on things I needed to focus on. Pleasure is dangerous. It’s an addiction in itself which some times drives me to a state of craziness.
Speaking of craziness, 2014 has just started and “craziness” is the best word to describe the first month alone. Before the year even started, I had already envisioned what the beginning of 2014 would be like for me. I had set hopes for certain areas of my life and was ready to start anew. I held a camp for my church, which helped me focus on this new mindset based off of 2 Corinthians 5:17 that I felt I should stabilize in the beginning of the year. The celebration of a new year always brings with it the hope of changing something from the previous year. I forgot about the struggle you have to go through in order to experience this change. Throughout the first month alone, I have experienced several highs and many lows.
I found new interests and started dating again after 3 years of being single. I’m still not sure if this is my smartest move so far. It’s hard adding another ingredient into the mix of my life. I don’t understand everything but I’m open to most things. So far, this year feels like this photo below of the darkness trying to over come the light of the moon, but it still shines on beautifully. My thoughts and hopes for 2014 has been darkened, but there’s still hope for good things to happen. It’s still shining out there somehow. I think I should thank God for the ability to believe in things hoped for and what ever is to come throughout the rest of the year.