I’m A Big Kid Now

“Let’s play house. I want to be the mom.” My incentive, as a kid, to play house and be the mom was so I could boss my little brothers around. I was seven.

For me at seven years old, I found joy in tea parties and playing dress up especially with my older girl cousins. I felt sophisticated and grown up. Playing with Legos and Star Wars figurines were a joy, but I had more fun playing guns and pretending to be a grown police woman or secret spy with my brothers.

I imagined being a beautiful dancer always doing different dances in my room no matter how crazy it seemed. The crazier the dance, the cooler I was.

I imagined being in a band with my brothers where I would sing and they would follow my lead.

I imagined falling in love by the time I was 21, getting married and having babies before the age 27. Real babies. Not my Cabbage Patch baby doll, which I absolutely treasured.

I imagined I would have 5 kids and they would grow up with a gang of cousins they would treat as siblings the way I did. I figured if we all got married, had kids around the same age range and lived in American Samoa then our kids would have the same joys we had in our childhood.

I imagined my future husband would be a comical, hard worker and a great daddy like my own dad, his dad and all my dad’s brothers.

When I turned 12, my dad started a radio station and I had the best time working with him on it. With this change in our family, my imaginations changed with it.

I imagined being able to one day run the radio station my dad started.

I imagined being able to make people happy and lift people’s spirits through Christian radio programming and Christian music.

I imagined traveling all over the world like my dad and helping those who needed it.

I imagined using the radio station as an outlet to reach out and heal those broken physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I imagined I could still get married by 24 at the most. My love story would be a real-life fairy tale like my Nana & Papa’s or my Mom & Dad’s.

I’m currently 26 turning 27 in a couple of months. Real life. That’s what happened to me. It took a lot of my childhood “adult visions” and it’s done something to it.

My reality is I’m still not married and currently not even in the dating process. All hopes of my love story being like my Nana & Papa’s or like my Mom & Dad’s are shattered up to this point and as depressing as it is, it is how it is and I’m accepting it.

My reality is most of my cousins I grew up around live off-island and are raising their kids all over America. I miss them all terribly especially knowing I miss out on a lot of their kids lives.

My reality is I have no kids of my own, but since I’m a teacher I have many kids who I can help and counsel as I would if they were my own flesh and blood.

My reality is I own the radio station my dad and I worked on together, but he’s no longer in the picture. To be honest, I wish he was still around so it could be our project once again. I don’t even have a desire to a part of it much any more, hence why I became a teacher.

My reality is I still love to make people happy. I find joy in laughter hence my love to entertain and dance like a crazy person in the privacy of my home or out in public…sometimes.

I learned at a young age life is all about experiences and those experiences are what mold and make a person. Some experiences are good, and some are bad. I’ve learned it does not matter whether it’s bad or good. It matters how you react to a situation and what you do with the cards you’ve been dealt. As a kid, I dreamed up all these possibilities, passions and desires only to see them change over time yet these dreams/imaginations are the exact foundation I needed for the reality I’m living today. My reality for right now in this moment won’t be the same from five years from now. I’m not dead yet so I still have time. Time to grow. Time to experience. Time to learn. Time to love. Time to be happy. Time to make something of my childhood “adult visions”.

Daily Prompt: Adult Visions

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4 thoughts on “I’m A Big Kid Now

  1. Hi there! I’m Heather and I wanted to know if you would be willing to answer a question about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com I would greatly appreciate it!

  2. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: Mystery Ending | Samoan Sword

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