I’m A Big Kid Now

“Let’s play house. I want to be the mom.” My incentive, as a kid, to play house and be the mom was so I could boss my little brothers around. I was seven.

For me at seven years old, I found joy in tea parties and playing dress up especially with my older girl cousins. I felt sophisticated and grown up. Playing with Legos and Star Wars figurines were a joy, but I had more fun playing guns and pretending to be a grown police woman or secret spy with my brothers.

I imagined being a beautiful dancer always doing different dances in my room no matter how crazy it seemed. The crazier the dance, the cooler I was.

I imagined being in a band with my brothers where I would sing and they would follow my lead.

I imagined falling in love by the time I was 21, getting married and having babies before the age 27. Real babies. Not my Cabbage Patch baby doll, which I absolutely treasured.

I imagined I would have 5 kids and they would grow up with a gang of cousins they would treat as siblings the way I did. I figured if we all got married, had kids around the same age range and lived in American Samoa then our kids would have the same joys we had in our childhood.

I imagined my future husband would be a comical, hard worker and a great daddy like my own dad, his dad and all my dad’s brothers.

When I turned 12, my dad started a radio station and I had the best time working with him on it. With this change in our family, my imaginations changed with it.

I imagined being able to one day run the radio station my dad started.

I imagined being able to make people happy and lift people’s spirits through Christian radio programming and Christian music.

I imagined traveling all over the world like my dad and helping those who needed it.

I imagined using the radio station as an outlet to reach out and heal those broken physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I imagined I could still get married by 24 at the most. My love story would be a real-life fairy tale like my Nana & Papa’s or my Mom & Dad’s.

I’m currently 26 turning 27 in a couple of months. Real life. That’s what happened to me. It took a lot of my childhood “adult visions” and it’s done something to it.

My reality is I’m still not married and currently not even in the dating process. All hopes of my love story being like my Nana & Papa’s or like my Mom & Dad’s are shattered up to this point and as depressing as it is, it is how it is and I’m accepting it.

My reality is most of my cousins I grew up around live off-island and are raising their kids all over America. I miss them all terribly especially knowing I miss out on a lot of their kids lives.

My reality is I have no kids of my own, but since I’m a teacher I have many kids who I can help and counsel as I would if they were my own flesh and blood.

My reality is I own the radio station my dad and I worked on together, but he’s no longer in the picture. To be honest, I wish he was still around so it could be our project once again. I don’t even have a desire to a part of it much any more, hence why I became a teacher.

My reality is I still love to make people happy. I find joy in laughter hence my love to entertain and dance like a crazy person in the privacy of my home or out in public…sometimes.

I learned at a young age life is all about experiences and those experiences are what mold and make a person. Some experiences are good, and some are bad. I’ve learned it does not matter whether it’s bad or good. It matters how you react to a situation and what you do with the cards you’ve been dealt. As a kid, I dreamed up all these possibilities, passions and desires only to see them change over time yet these dreams/imaginations are the exact foundation I needed for the reality I’m living today. My reality for right now in this moment won’t be the same from five years from now. I’m not dead yet so I still have time. Time to grow. Time to experience. Time to learn. Time to love. Time to be happy. Time to make something of my childhood “adult visions”.

Daily Prompt: Adult Visions

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American Samoa and Her Bipolar Weather

The whole day was perfect. Clear skies with few stratus clouds that gave some depth to the beautiful blue bliss above. The sun was bright as usual, but not too hot since there was a soft cool breeze.

As the day progressed, the soft breeze gradually became brisk. From brisk, the wind picked up and along with the windy weather came ginormous gray cumulus clouds which filled the sky. Not long after the rain would pour for no longer than thirty minutes then the skies would go right back to its beautiful blue as if it hadn’t rained at all ten seconds earlier.

This is the typical behavior of the weather in American Samoa. Any one would think the locals would be use to it, but no. There are still plenty of complaints of the random-ness of the weather. Not too long ago, the temperature dropped as low as 68 degrees Fahrenheit which is unusual for Am. Samoa because the temperature normally stays at 80-90.

As unpredictable as the weather is, it is still livable and it makes for interesting days most of the time. I’d rather have random spurts of rain than continuous hot and humid weather even if its because of those random rain spurts make the weather so humid. It’s what makes home, home. A lot of times, the sudden shifts are a good thing.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/sudden-shifts/

Pretty People Don’t Do That…

My younger cousin has a phrase she always says whenever she doesn’t want to do something. She always says “Sorry, pretty people don’t do that.”pretty people

Of course me being the random person I am, I always get the “Sorry, pretty people don’t do that” from her. So what is it exactly that pretty people do?

Pretty people pay attention to the things around them. Pretty people try to do whatever they can to help those who need it. Pretty people dress up not to impress others, but because they like to look and feel pretty. Pretty people are respectful people.

Seeking attention in public? Pretty people don’t do that. Doing whatever they want disregarding others? Pretty people don’t do that. Dressing down or making others feel ugly? Pretty people don’t do that. Being disrespectful especially in public? Pretty people don’t do that.

For example:

When in public, I enjoy saying the infamous “Hey! How are you?” to people I know because I genuinely want to know how they are and if life is good for them. I like when people say hi to me whether they want to or not  because it always leaves with that “Aww. That person cared enough to say ‘Hi’ to me.” It feels nice being nice. That’s something pretty people do.

According to my cousin, it’s when I get loud and start laughing like a maniac then she goes “Umm. I’m walking away from you because pretty people don’t do that.” I won’t lie. My laugh is kind of ugly, but is enjoying my time with family or friends ugly? Of course not. It’s when I step out of bounds and disregard everyone else that’s having their own moments with their family and friends and unknowingly interrupt them with my big mouth. Sorry, pretty people don’t do that.

I’m sure we all have our ugly moments. I know I have MANY ugly moments. This doesn’t stop me from reminding myself on a daily basis, “Sorry, pretty people don’t do that” whenever I’m about to have an outburst, go crazy or get out of hand. That’s what pretty people do. If you think about, it’s actually a good catch phrase, am I right or left?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/from-the-top/

Objective-ly Speaking

If there was any object that would define me, it would be my iPhone.

Why? Because I’m forever on it. The iPhone is my link to everything and everyone. If you were to ask my friends, they would say the exact same thing. Whether I’m at home, work, church or out with my friends and family, I can guarantee you I am either looking at my phone every five minutes or on it for a good ten minutes before getting back into the action thats going on around me.

It’s a bad thing because I sometimes get so busy socializing with others via my phone that I forget about the world around me. I miss out on real moments because I’m focused on the current conversation I’m having with my friends elsewhere. I lose interest quickly so if I get bored with the real world I automatically revert to my iPhone to find entertainment elsewhere.

The sad reality of this is most of this generation is like this. The idea of self-promotion is so prevalent in today’s world that most try to figure out different ways to entertain the masses and some even define their self worth based on the number of followers or how much feedback they receive from what they post online.

WHOA! Ok back pedaling on the bunny trail I just took off on. My iPhone though >>>>> love of my life.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/object-lesson/

Honey and Vinegar. Take A Second.

One second is all that was needed. An extra second to think about the consequences of what was about to be said. There was no thought put into the words that went into the chat that was going on.

Forgetting there was a difference in perception and not everyone’s views are the same, there were things shared that should’ve been kept a secret. Then again, what good are secrets? When they come out, they hurt more than being told at that very moment. What if the person never finds out though? Is the risk really worth it?

Lets rewind to that “sweet like honey” night that led to the “sour like vinegar” mischief…

He said “I can make you stop for 15 seconds. If I’m successful, I get to throw away your drink”. The invitation was received in less than a second. There was no thought that went into the consequences of the challenge let alone the contents of it. The challenge that tasted like sweet honey, which turned into sour vinegar as it digested.

He had failed the challenge, but those 4-5 seconds of sweet honey tasting lips was the open door. It was sweet venom. Like poison, it infected every nerve and numbed all thought processes. The thrill was real. The reality of it all after the deed was done was like watching a horror film. The girl is dead, but the viewer is still thinking “Stupid girl, why didn’t you just get out while you had the chance?”

One second makes all the difference in the world. An extra second to think of the consequences of an action or words could be all you need to change the outcome of a situation. If only we could take seconds back, there would be less regrets but not enough learning experiences. Not enough “honey before the vinegar” to learn the lesson that its better to deal with the vinegar so the honey can help it go down smoother. Like Mary Poppins said,

“Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/honey-versus-vinegar/

Smells Like…

Today’s writing prompt is entitled “Nosey Delights”. There’s nothing more delightful to me than the smell of a fresh blooming pua or plumeria.

Plumerias or as we call it in Samoa, Puas, outside of my uncle's house in Gataivai

Plumerias or as we call it in Samoa, Puas, outside of my uncle’s house in Gataivai

When I was living in America, the number one scent I would miss is the smell of fresh puas outside of my home. I actually didn’t learn the English term for pua, which is plumeria, until I visited Australia in 2005.

Every morning, I go to visit the pua tree outside of my house and there never fails to be newly blooming puas on the tree. In some seasons, there are really big ones and in other seasons they bloom a lot smaller.

The beautiful aroma remains the same. The scent takes me back to my younger years when we use to climb the pua trees outside of my old church and play tag. Sometimes we would take sticks and poke at the branches until the flower fell so we could wear them as seis.

I love wearing them as seis (flower worn on the ear or placed in the hair). They add to the natural beauty of any Samoan or Pacific Island lady. Puas are just as much of a nosey delight as they are pleasing to the eyes. Don’t you agree?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/nosey-delights/

On Guard

“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard for out of it flow the springs of life.” -Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)

As a kid, I bought into the Disney idea of “someday my prince will come” and when he came it meant “happily ever after.” To love and be loved, isn’t that what everyone wants? Inside every person is the desire to be desired, according to my own personal belief.

When I was six, I wanted to be a stay at home mom or else a Christian dancer/performer since I did it all the time in church. The idea of being available for my family 24/7 was my idea of success as a little girl. My dad was the one who worked while my mom sacrificed her job to raise my brothers and I. I wanted to do the same and invest in my kids and their futures. When I was six, I had in my mind that I was going to have a love story like my Nana & Papa. I would meet the man of my dreams at a friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid at around 18 or 20 and my focus would be my kids and grandkids.

When I turned 12, my dad started a computer business and a Christian radio station and I loved it. I had my first radio show at 12. I centered the rest of my career goals around media broadcasting. My focus changed, but I still had in my mind that I was going to have a love story like my Nana & Papa.

When I turned 24, I moved back home. I was done with school and had gone on a totally different path from what I had intended. I stayed in the communication field, but headed towards advertising since media broadcasting became boring to me. Having a passion for what I do is what matters most to me above the money. I wanted to go into tourism to introduce others to my beautiful island home, but ended up back at the radio station my dad started. As for my love story idea, I still had a desire for it but after being a bridesmaid in 18 weddings up unto that point the flame was dying.

Now I’m 26 and I’m teaching. To be honest, I love it. It wasn’t what I anticipated. Instead of having a bunch of kids of my own to focus on and invest in, I gained an opportunity to invest in the lives of other people’s kids. I have the chance to focus on kids that could affect the future of today’s society. 23 weddings later though, my Nana & Papa love story longing disappeared and I started to settle for guys who displayed clearly through their actions they didn’t care as much as they said. In other words, they were a$$holes.

Life isn’t always what most expect from it. I believe God orchestrates everything and most of the time I don’t understand whats going on, but I’ve had to learn to trust Him. He gave me this job as a teacher to fulfill my childhood desire to help and invest in others and to create art by working with my church kids in the area of dance and drama. Just recently I’ve decided to let Him take over my love story. In His time, my God makes all things beautiful. My job is to guard my heart and the people and situations I allow to affect it because it clearly affects everything in my life including my future as much as it did my past.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/futures-past/