Weekly Writing Challenge: Mystery Ending

So many different topics come to mind. It doesn’t help that life in itself is probably the biggest mystery of all. Currently, the violin instrumentals that are playing are setting up the mood for this week’s post. It should be interesting to say the least.

It’s Two-sday. šŸ˜€ Get it? I’m sure you do. Recently, I witnessed the outcome of several bad decisions I made. I did things I did not think would have any repercussions. I was wrong. During a conversation with a friend, I told her

It’s too late. I can’t do anything to change the past. I can only change my choices in the present to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future.

Ironic enough the blog from Wednesday on the Daily PostĀ had to do with childhood “adult visions”. If you’d really like to know all about what my childhood self wanted, feel free to read my “I’m A Big Kid Now” blog post. Ā There’s so many possibilities for the future based on all my different childhood imaginations. I’m pretty much working and waiting to see what is to come.

FRUIT CUPS ! More specifically, the delicious coconut jellies in the fruit cups that leave me wanting more. With so many left over fruit cups after school, it would be a shame to see it all go to waste. So where does it end up? In my refrigeratorā€¦well the fruit cups do at least. In the words of my mom,

“Waste not. Want not.”

Theme song of the week: Chandelier by Sia. Why? Because…

Party girls don’t get hurt.Ā Can’t feel anything, when will I learn?Ā I push it down, push it down.”

I’ve lived that line for a long time but never realized it until this song. I get hurt and I party it off. It’s like grown people medicine. It’s disgusting, but the effects feel so good.

I’m the one ‘for a good time call.’Ā Phone’s blowin’ up, ringin’ my doorbell.Ā I feel the love, feel the love”

It’s all fun and games untilā€¦actually there’s no until. That’s all it’s really about. Fun & Games. Truth be told, I love it. I love Ā happy atmospheres and getting everyone on good ones. I love keeping the energy up and dancing until my feet hurt.Ā I’m always the one who gets the calls (no ringing doorbells because those don’t exist on my island) “Lets Go Out!” Don’t get me wrong, I love it but it’s always…

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink

Throw ’em back ’til I lose count

Every weekend. Never fails. Same process. Why do I do it?

“I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes.Ā Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

Based on how I was raised, I was taught to always look to God for everything. I believe in that, but after all the pressures of the week, it always feels amazing to release and it feels like…

“I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.Ā I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.”

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/telephone/

On Guard

“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard for out of it flow the springs of life.”Ā -Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)

As a kid, I bought into the Disney idea of “someday my prince will come” and when he came it meant “happily ever after.” To love and be loved, isn’t that what everyone wants? Inside every person is the desire to be desired, according toĀ my own personal belief.

When I was six, I wanted to be a stay at home mom or else a Christian dancer/performer since I did it all the time in church. The idea of being available for my family 24/7 was my idea of success as a little girl. My dad was the one who worked while my mom sacrificed her job to raise my brothers and I. I wanted to do the same and invest in my kids and their futures. When I was six, I had in my mind that I was going to have a love story like my Nana & Papa. I would meet the man of my dreams at a friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid at around 18 or 20 and my focus would be my kids and grandkids.

When IĀ turned 12, my dad started a computer business and a Christian radio station and I loved it. I had my first radio show at 12. I centered the rest of my career goals around media broadcasting. My focus changed, but I still had in my mind that I was going to have a love story like my Nana & Papa.

When I turned 24, I moved back home. I was done with school and had gone on a totally different path from what I had intended. I stayed in the communication field, but headed towards advertising since media broadcasting became boring to me. Having a passion for what I do is what matters most to me above the money. I wanted to go into tourism to introduce others to my beautiful island home, but ended up back at the radio station my dad started. As for my love story idea, I still had a desire for it but after being a bridesmaid in 18 weddings up unto that point the flame was dying.

Now I’m 26 and I’m teaching. To be honest, I love it. It wasn’t what I anticipated. Instead of having a bunch of kids of my own to focus on and invest in, I gained an opportunity to invest in the lives of other people’s kids. I have the chance to focus on kidsĀ that could affect the future of today’s society. 23 weddings later though, my Nana & Papa love story longing disappeared and I started to settle for guys who displayed clearly through their actions they didn’t care as much as they said. In other words, they were a$$holes.

Life isn’t always what most expect from it. I believe God orchestrates everything and most of the time I don’t understand whats going on, but I’ve had to learn to trust Him. He gave me this job as a teacher to fulfill my childhood desire to help and invest in others and to create art by working with my church kids in the area of dance and drama. Just recently I’ve decided to let Him take overĀ my love story. In His time, my God makes all things beautiful. My job is to guard my heart and the people and situations I allow to affect it because it clearly affects everything in my life including my future as much as it did my past.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/futures-past/

Those Busy Ones

There’s a tug of war in my soul. I want to write, but time won’t allow me. Every time I sit to start the phone rings or my reminders pop up or workloads pile up. By the end of it all, I’m too tired to do anything else except sleep away the days toils that take its toll on my mind and body so I can be rejuvenated for the next day’s tasks.

In Loving Memory of my Grandma Fou

This post is dedicated to someone very dear to me that went to be with JesusĀ on April 10, 2014.Ā 

My grandma's face in the back though :D

I miss her. This photo was taken on my 25th birthday. She asked me “Aga fea e fai sou toalua? Toeiti alu a’u. Fia vaai a’u lou faaipoipoga.” (translation: When are you getting married? I’m going soon. I want to see you get married). I laughed and replied “Aua e te popole (translation: don’t worry) Grandma, I’ll get married before you go. I promise.” I won’t be able to keep that promise now and it makes me sad to know that I can’t. My grandma’s face in the back though šŸ˜€

Some people grow up not knowing their grandparents. On my mom’s side, I was fortunate enough to grow up with four different grandmas that were basically like having one.Ā I was “the pele” (equivalent to princess, still am) and I was treated as such by all my grandma’s sisters living in American Samoa, which I refer to as my Aua grandmas.Ā Grandma Fou was the oldest of all myĀ grandmas. She was loving. She was kind. She was sweet. She was beautiful. She was wise. She was strong.

She was a phenomenal woman. She had such a peaceful presenceĀ that would flow from her spirit. My mom said she was the best at putting babies to sleep. No matter how fussy I got, Grandma Fou would put me in her lap, sing to me and po po me until I fell asleep. I spent most of my infant and toddler years in her house. Like my Aunty Julia (Grandma Fou’s baby girl) said, I was the first grand-baby they took care of in their house.

I Ā remember feeling loved whenever she’d greet me with a “Hi Baby”, smile and kiss me on the lips. I remember feeling safe when in her arms. I remember feeling joy every time I saw her because I knew I was going to get money or candy. I remember looking forward to going to daycare inĀ Aua because IĀ never really stayed in daycare.Ā I spent most of my time with herĀ and Papa Fu’e in their house because they spoiled me and I loved it.Ā I remember our Fale family Christmases at her house. I remember family events and even random visits to Grandma Fou’s place just because. I remember how much I loved the relationship she had with her sisters.

The Fale Sisters - My Aua Grandmas. <3 Grandma Fou, Grandma Eseta, Grandma Lafo and Grandma Vai

The Fale Sisters – My Aua Grandmas.

I have no regrets. I loved her greatly and she knew it very well. I made time to see her andĀ loved on her but not as much as she loved on me. She lived a full, blessed life and was clothed in beauty, humility, wisdom, strength and love. She always took care of her family and loved beyond words.

Life won’t be the same without her earthly presence. She’s rejoicing with Jesus right now and experiencing a blessed reunion with Papa Fu’e, Great-Papa, Pema, Aunty La’i and all her loved ones that have gone before. Heaven gained another beautiful spirit. I loveĀ you Grandma.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”Ā Revelation 21:4 (NLT)

Ā 

I will miss you immensely.

I will miss you immensely.

 

On to the Next One

Closing the door on this quarter while opening the door for the next is both exciting and relieving at the same time. Quarter 3 seemed to go on for too long so being able to see this…

Oh the joy of seeing this !

Oh the joy of seeing this !

…is absolutely breathtaking. There are many beautiful things in life, but one thing I find absolutely beautiful is seeing something completed and done and not having any remorse about anything.

Sometimes I wish we had set quarters in life. So in that way I would know when to open what doors and what doors should never be opened at all. Unfortunately life is full of surprises. I guess this is what keeps life interesting. If we always knew what we were getting and when we were getting it, life let alone whatever opportunity or learning experience is behind whatever door we choose to open wouldn’t be as exciting.

Yes it would save a lot and I meanĀ a lotĀ of heartaches and hurts. What is life without the sours? It can’t always be sweet or might get sick.

Anyways, I’m grateful and eager for the 4th quarter to come and go. I’m excited for the lessons I’ll learn and the values I teach. Last stretch, so this should be fun. Here I go on to the next one.

Old Car Problems

I donā€™t take too well to car problems. Why? I donā€™t have a clue as to what Iā€™m doing in terms of trying to fix it. I like to do things on my own so I like to be able to fix things myself. I have plenty of clues on how to fix everything else, but ask me anything about cars and I will politely say, “that’s a good question” and walk away. Lucky for me I’m Samoan and live in American Samoa and come from a big family so I can pick and choose who to call in times of need for free. (There’s something to smile about)

There are not a whole lot of people I can trust or turn to when I need help. Why? I am a type of person that gives my all to those I care for. I learned the hard way not everyone is going to be 100% on your side even when youā€™re 100% for them.

Back to my car, he really isnā€™t too old. Ten years isnā€™t too old to a human. Iā€™m not too sure how old 10 years is in car years but Iā€™m guessing pretty old since my car is constantly breaking down on me. I love my car. I have so many memories with him, but lately heā€™s been acting up. Iā€™d understand if something went wrong every couple of months or so, but for the past three weeks something has gone wrong. Now I have to wait for who knows how long before itā€™s fixed. I’m praying really hard it’ll be no longer than a week.

Since I live on an island, there aren’t many options either for car parts, which means waiting for a part. Before that, I need really good, reliable mechanic to tell me what I need to get because I’m not trying to waste money and being fiapoko (translation: smart a**). All the really good mechanics are always extremely busy and take forever and a day. All the not so good ones aren’t even worth wasting time going to because I’ll end up just taking it to one of the really good ones in the end and complain of how much time I had wasted.

I’m really hoping and praying it doesn’t take another 3-6 months to get my car fixed again.

Get well soon my big green baby !Ā 

Back At It Again

 

Last post was in November of last year and I can’t believe how hard it is to stay faithful to this thing. I thought I would be able to, but unfortunately time and responsibilities have not been very good advocates. December was an interesting month to say the least. My biggest issue with December was how time so easily escaped me constantly. It’s not that I didn’t have enough of it. Many times it’s because I got consumed with things that should be irrelevant to me. Whenever I got a break from my priorities, I would give into the lure of pleasure as much and as often as I could instead of focusing on things I needed to focus on. Pleasure is dangerous. It’s an addiction in itself which some times drives me to a state of craziness.

Speaking of craziness, 2014 has just started and “craziness” is the best word to describe the first month alone. Before the year even started, I had already envisioned what the beginning of 2014 would be like for me. I had set hopes for certain areas of my life and was ready to start anew. I held a camp for my church, which helped me focus on this new mindset based off of 2 Corinthians 5:17 that I felt I should stabilize in the beginning of the year. The celebration of a new year always brings with it the hope of changing something from the previous year. I forgot about the struggle you have to go through in order to experience this change. Throughout the first month alone, I have experienced several highs and many lows.

I found new interests and started dating again after 3 years of being single. I’m still not sure if this is my smartest move so far. It’s hard adding another ingredient into the mix of my life. I don’t understand everything but I’m open to most things. So far, this year feels like this photo below of the darkness trying to over come the light of the moon, but it still shines on beautifully. My thoughts and hopes for 2014 has been darkened, but there’s still hope for good things to happen. It’s still shining out there somehow. I think I should thank God for the ability to believe in things hoped for and what ever is to come throughout the rest of the year.

Yellow Moon